Tag: Christian Recovery

Where is Light in a dark world?

August 17, 2024 / kurtisbunfill

In this dark world of pain and suffering I sometimes struggle to see any good, to see any light. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in myself, what I perceive to be my greatest needs. That in turn causes me to live with doubt, live in fear, live without the hope that Jesus gives us.

I recently heard Shane and Shane on XM radio sing “In the Light” https://youtu.be/Xbn-VlmArbU?si=QwHBEjsOUhnzz_ok, a song I believe was originally done by DC Talk https://youtu.be/0JxEwfbidFk?si=zfCJBc5-wBr0qf2B in the 90’s. It speaks to me, it helps me to see my struggle more clearly and helps me regain the focus on Jesus that is needed to find peace and joy in the light.

Lyrics below with my comments in italics:

In the Light

I keep trying to find a life
On my own apart from You

Why do I do this? Why can’t I give everything to the Lord?

I am the king of excuses
I’ve got one for every selfish thing I do

The selfishness of pride still rages inside of me.  I’m needy and I do make excuses for myself.

What’s going on inside of me
I despise my own behavior

Why?  Why?  Why?  I often have such sinful thoughts and desires and I can’t explain them.  I can’t rid myself of them.

This only serves to confirm my suspicion
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

I see my need for Jesus, I see my need for a Savior.  I don’t know where I’d be or where I’d go without Him

I wanna be in the light as You are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens

There is peace in the light, when I’m with Jesus there is such great peace, hope and joy.  Why would I want to be anywhere else?  I want to shine and show the love of Jesus to everyone.

Oh Lord be my Light and be my salvation
All I want is to be in the light
Oh all I want is to be in the light

Remind me Jesus, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute who my salvation is.  Help me to stay in You and in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It’s a cancer fatal to my soul

I know the answer but yet I still am selfish, I still am prideful, I still hurt those I love.  The sin inside me is lethal and I am helpless against it in my own strength.

Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

I fail time and time again to stop this behavior, to stop sinful thoughts.  In my own strength I continue to fail.

What’s going on inside of me
I despise my own behavior

How did I get here again?  Why do I hurt those I love?  Why do I make it all about me?

This only serves to confirm my suspicion
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

I need Jesus more than ever, He is the answer.  He is the only answer and the answer to everything.  Without Jesus I’m lost, I’m addicted, I’m hopeless.

I wanna be in the light as You are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens

Jesus protects me, Jesus calls me to walk with him in the light.

Oh Lord be my Light and be my salvation
All I want is to be in the light
Oh all I want is to be in the light

I call on Jesus and he is always near and quick to answer.  He pulls me back into the light when I seek Him.  I want to be in the light!

Honesty becomes me
There’s nothing left to lose
The secrets that did run me
In Your presence are defused
Pride has no position
And riches have no worth
The fame that once did cover me
Has been sentenced to Earth
Has been sentenced to Earth

I’m a stranger in this world, my home is in heaven.  I need Jesus, I need the truth of the gospel.  Nothing, nothing in the world satisfies me like Jesus and I long to be with Him in eternity.

What’s going on inside of me
I despise my own behavior

Each day I have a choice to make. Do I listen to the lies I hear from the enemy?  Do I focus on the darkness in the world? Why does this choice have to be made?  Why does the struggle continue?

This only serves to confirm my suspicion
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

I can’t do it alone, I need a Savior – I need Jesus!

I wanna be in the light as You are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh Lord be my Light and be my salvation
All I want is to be in the light
Oh all I want is to be in the light
All I want is to be in the light

Jesus is the light of the world!

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
John 8:12 (ESV)

May we all walk in the light of Jesus. God bless You!

HOPE, Suffering, Perseverance, Character and back to HOPE

July 27, 2023 / kurtisbunfill

Circle of HOPE

I recently accompanied the youth group that I’m involved in on their mission trip to a group work camp. The theme of the week was FORGED. Like the metalworking process, God forges us, shapes us, and transforms us through life’s journey. Most of us spend the majority of our lives in comfortable seasons of hope. But we all go through suffering. All of us. We aren’t expecting it when it happens, but it is guaranteed to be a part of life. We learned that suffering is part of the Circle of Hope. God gives us the gift of hope. Whenever we face difficult times yet persevere, we will learn & grow stronger. God promises that.

My Grandfather passed away early the day after we returned from the Mission Trip. I’m reminded of the impact my grandparents have had on my life. When I was a young boy, around 11 or 12 my grandparents asked me if I wanted to be saved. I said that I did and we went into their bedroom to read scripture and they helped me pray and invite Jesus into my heart.

The day Jesus saved me was one of the most hopeful times of my life. I felt prepared to do or face anything. What I didn’t realize at the time was that this circle that we learned about is real and I was not prepared for it.

The way the week’s programs and devotions were written forced us to reflect on our journeys.

Sunday – HOPE
Monday – Suffering, it’s a part of the journey
Tuesday – Suffering produces perseverance
Wednesday – Perseverance produces character
Thursday – Character produces HOPE
Friday – Forge ahead

As I thought about my time between being saved as a young boy up until 5 or 6 years ago I saw how much of my journey was spent wandering, attempting to find my way, making a lot of bad decisions, heading down the wrong path.

It seems there are different types of suffering, the kind that happens to us (losing a loved one, getting sick, etc.) and the kind that is the result of our sin and decisions we have made.

The circle I was reflecting on included much suffering as a result of my sin of addiction. As I’ve written previously, this has been very painful. My sin resulted in suffering for not only myself but caused suffering for my family and for my children. It caused suffering that we all feel today and suffering that I’m sure to feel for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I can’t change that.

Here’s what Tish Harrison writes about suffering in her book Prayer in the Night: For those Who Work or Watch or Weep:

Suffering strips away the self. This sounds terribly painful, and it is. But the meaning and object of suffering isn’t pain; it is to learn to give and receive love. God isn’t a sadist who delights in using agony to teach us a lesson. But in the alchemy of redemption, God can take what is only sorrow and transform it into the very path by which we learn to love God and let ourselves be loved. This is the strange (and usually unwanted) way of abundant life – the dying necessary to bring resurrection. Scott Cairns writes, “The hard way is pretty much the only way that most of us manage to learn anything. Affliction, suffering, and pain are – even if they are nothing else – remarkably effective.”

If I’m being completely honest, as Cairns wrote, the only way I was going to learn was the hard way. The reality that I was possibly going to lose everything I loved is what it took to get my attention. That’s embarrassing to admit, shameful – but it’s true.

But the beauty of the gospel and God’s love for us is that God uses all suffering to produce something in us if we let him. Jesus is Hope and that is something I’ve been extremely blessed to have experienced.

On the way home from the Mission Trip I heard Austin French’s song Jesus Can. Wow! What a great description of what I’ve experienced in recovery:

Everybody’s got that hurt they wished that never happened. Everybody’s got that pain they wish they could undo. But wounds become scars & scars become stories – and when it comes to the story of you – who turns a broken dream into a life redeemed? Who can turn your worst defeat into your victory? Who saw me where was and led me where I stand? My life is living proof that only Jesus can.

Jesus took my worst defeat, redeemed me and now I have victory and hope in Jesus. He can do the same for you! My Hope on the Mission Trip and anytime I’m given the opportunity to share my story is that it will help others to see the Hope we always have in Jesus.

Crew 17 and 18

To the crews I spent the week with on this Mission Trip. As this was my first mission trip I wasn’t sure what to expect. I am so thankful for each and every one of you, it was truly a blessing to spend the week with each of you. The love you showed to me as I shared was amazing. I miss working with you and especially miss our devotional and prayer time together. May we always remember what we learned about Hope during our time together and I pray for God’s blessings over you and your families.

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

HOLD ON

Song by Katy Nichole

Smoke clouds
All around
Couldn’t see Your face
Darkness consumed me
Stuck in the bitterness

But I know there’s a light
That’s waiting up ahead
So I’ll stay in the fight
And look to the One who said

Hold on just a little bit longer
I know it’s gonna be okay
These days are gonna make you stronger
You’ll find purpose in the pain
Hold on just a little bit longer
Deep down there’s a well of faith
Let hope arise as you’re lifting up My name
And just hold on
Just hold on, hold on

Your promise
It still stands
It’s chasing after me
The rainbow
Through storm clouds
Is how I’m gonna see

That there is a light
That’s waiting up ahead
So I’ll stay in the fight
And look to the One who said

Just wait ’til you see what’s at the end of the road
A new life is ready to unfold

We ought to give thanks for all fortune; if it is good, because it is good, if bad, because it works in us patience, humility and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country.
C.S. LEWIS

darkness / LIGHT

March 11, 2023 / kurtisbunfill

We’ve been studying the book of Peter in our weekly Bible study at Church. 1 Peter 2:9 is a verse that speaks to me having spent much of my life living in the darkness. Living in the darkness of addiction meant lying to myself, lying to others and keeping secrets from most everyone. Secrets are kept in the darkness, so that’s where I stayed. As I’ve written before I had a good job, coached baseball, basketball and softball. I attended church regularly and at times was actively involved in the Church. I was “functional” in the world and in front of others but I was living a lie in darkness for the most part.

During bedtime devotionals with my wife and 3 step-sons we’ve been working our way through Genesis. Genesis 19 tells the story of God saving Lot from the destruction of Sodom. Angels warned Lot the city of Sodom where Lot was living was about to be destroyed and to get his family and leave immediately. It’s not clear why but it says Lot hesitated, some translations say he hesitated and lingered. Why did Lot want to stay in the darkness? Was there something holding him back? Because of this hesitation the angels took hold of him and his family and took them out of the city (out of the darkness) to save them.

As I’ve been considering this story I’ve seen a parallel to my life. Sin, in my case addiction to alcohol was so powerful in my life that I couldn’t see life beyond alcohol. I didn’t see a need to quit and didn’t want to or believe I could quit. I felt trapped in the darkness and couldn’t see a way out to the light. I wonder how many times God started to pull me out and I fought Him to stay/linger in the darkness over the years of my addiction. It’s painful to think about, it’s maddening to think how long I chose to ignore the light and stay in the darkness.

Marvelous Light

A couple in our Church recently performed an Ellie Holcomb song – Marvelous Light (lyrics below). I fell in love with the song and discovered on Ellie’s’ blog that it was inspired by a character in an Andrew Peterson book (The Wingfeather Saga). The character Podo Helmer had spent most of his life hiding his past. One day his secrets are exposed in front of the very people he was trying to hide them from. Ellie says that after this intense seen Andrew writes the following about Podo:

“He moved through the days in peace and wonder, for his whole story had been told for the first time, and he found that he was still loved.” (North or Be Eaten!, p.321)

When we follow God out of the darkness and into the light He is always with us, He is always faithful.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will cover me, And the night will be the only light around me,” Even the darkness is not dark to You and conceals nothing from You, But the night shines as bright as the day; Darkness and light are alike to You.
Psalm 139:11-12

I recently participated in leadership training at work. One of our assignments was to share in 2 minutes or less something we had achieved and what the lesson was in that achievement. I was struggling to decide what to speak about and at the last minute settled on overcoming my addiction. I started by saying I would share one of my greatest failures (addiction) and greatest accomplishments (overcoming addiction) which I shared the best I could in 2 minutes. Some of the participants in the training knew of my past and some did not. Each time I have shared how the Lord saved me from myself I feel His love. I also have received and this time was no different love and support from those I share with.

Sometimes we need God to pull us out of the darkness. Thankfully I eventually saw enough light to allow God to pull me out of my darkness. He is faithful and continues to draw me to Him, to His light and His love.

May we all live in His peace and see how much we are loved by the One who is Light!

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

Marvelous Light

Song by Ellie Holcomb

I am not who I once was
Defined by all the things I’ve done
Afraid my shame would be exposed
Afraid of really being known
But then you gave my heart a home

So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light

With years of keeping secrets safe
Wondering if I could change
‘Cause when you’re hiding all alone
Your heart can turn into a stone
And that’s not the way I want to go

So I walk out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light

There’s no place I would rather be
Your light is Marvelous
Your light is Marvelous

You have come to set us free
You are Marvelous
Your light is Marvelous

So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light

The purpose of the darkness is not to punish or to afflict us. It is to set us free. It is a divine appointment, a privileged opportunity to draw close to the divine center.
Richard foster

Depression, Spiritual Warfare and Getting out of the Boat

July 1, 2022 / kurtisbunfill

DEPRESSION?

We recently returned from a family vacation to Florida. My parents took all of our family – there were 11 of us total. In addition to my wife and I, my son and daughter (with boyfriend), sister, brother-in-law and 2 nephews were all able to make it. We were blessed to be able to stay in a beautiful area at a beautiful condo and the Lord blessed us with beautiful weather, as well. All the makings for a joyful, wonderful trip. Instead I found myself down (depression?), again struggling with regrets about my past.

SPIRITUAL WARFARE

One morning on vacation as I was working out and listening to music I noticed that nearly every song seemed to speak to me. They were all about finding peace in Jesus. As I was listening, I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me that I was depressed and urging me to battle, to fight. I immediately became aware that when these feelings come on I tend to shut down and wallow in self-pity. Opposite of what we are told to do:

Being told to battle awakened me and I’m so thankful for the message I received. Despite knowing that I will continue to have temptations to shut down and feel sorry for myself I am reminded that I need to put on “God’s armor” and battle. Ephesians 6:13 tells us to “use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy.” I will remember the Lord’s truths and the Good News that gives us peace. I will exercise my faith, use the sword of the Spirit (Word of God) and I will pray. Pray without ceasing until I win the battle.

GET OUT OF THE BOAT

Before I can start these battles I need to “get out of the boat”. Let me explain….

During vacation the college softball world series was often on in our cabana by the pool or while we were gathered in our condos. The Oklahoma Sooners wound up winning it all, so we had the opportunity to watch them a few times. I noticed their players making a rowing motion and screaming something into the dugout each time they got on base. I had no idea what that was all about but when I returned home I saw video on Facebook where Jordy Bahl (freshman pitcher) explained it:

What a great message and visual for me! I can attempt to battle in my own strength, that might work for the short term but it won’t win the battle. To win the battle I need to get out of the boat (WHAT IS THE BOAT FOR YOU? SELF-PITTY? DEPRESSION??), put on the armor of God and fix my eyes on Jesus. That’s the formula to win the battle.

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

I Believe It Now

Sidewalk Prophets

I couldn’t see it then, but I believe it now
Just a searching soul tired of reaching out
Stuck on the tracks, train bearing down
Screaming from my lungs, ” Who will save me now?”

As the reruns of the regrets, they replay inside my head
Got the devil on my shoulder, and he’s leaving me for dead
Whispers and lies have brought me here
Flooding my veins with doubt and fear

Oh, I
I could not see it then
Oh, I
I could not see

Oh, my God
I remember when I cried
Shook my fists up at the sky
I wondered why
You felt so far from me

Oh, God
It was in my deepest pain
That I heard You call my name
I heard You say
That You were right there with me

I couldn’t see it then, but I believe it now
Trying to hold my head up when the ground fell out
I felt all alone even in a crowd
Like a sinking stone dragging my heart down

And the weight of the sorrows I carried on my chest
It kept pulling me under, and I couldn’t catch my breath
Not how I thought my life would go
Didn’t know my heart could sink this low

No, I
I could not see it then
No, I
I could not see it

Oh, my God
I remember when I cried
Shook my fists up at the sky
I wondered why
You felt so far from me

Oh, God
It was in my deepest pain
That I heard You call my name
I heard You say
That You were right there with me

Love was standing there
Holding me
But I couldn’t see
That love was always there
He carried me
And now, I believe

Oh, my God
I know You heard me when I cried
‘Cause You were right there by my side
I realized
That You have never left me

Oh, God
It was in my deepest pain
That I heard You call my name
I heard You say
That You were right there with me

I couldn’t see it then (I could not see it)
But now I believe (now I believe)
I couldn’t see it then (I could not see it)
But now I believe (now I believe)
(I could not see, now I believe)
But now I believe

Now I believe
(I could not see, now I believe)
(I could not see, now I believe)

QUOTE

When we depend upon organizations, we get what organizations can do; when we depend upon man, we get what man can do; but when we depend upon prayer, we get what God can do.
A.C. Dixon

Until next time I’m thankful for the Scars, may God Bless You!

Addiction and Time

October 9, 2021 / kurtisbunfill

The Value of our Time

As I celebrate 4 years of sobriety on September 27th, my 51^st birthday, I find myself facing the lingering consequences of my addiction to alcohol.

I want to forget my addiction and its problems, want to completely move on from it. I wish I could act like it never happened. But as life moves on, I am faced with the bitter reality of lost time. I can’t help but compare how I spend my time today with how it was spent when I was controlled by my addiction.

With my marriage in June of 2020, came three wonderful little boys. Being able to play a part in their lives is a blessing which I am truly thankful for. But as I spend time with them, I’m constantly reminded of what I was (or wasn’t) doing with my own precious kids (son 21 years old and daughter 18 years old) at various times in their childhood. The difference between sober, present parenting and my former parenting is obvious to me and it fills me with regret.

This August both of my kids moved away to college. The physical move had been delayed for my oldest because of COVID, causing this transition to coincide with my second’s freshman year 9 hours from home. I know this can be a difficult time for any parent but it’s proven to be extra trying for me. I value time with my children so much differently now than I did during my addicted years. Spending a couple of hours eating wings with my son and watching football on a Sunday afternoon when he’s home from college is a great blessing. My 6:00 pm weekly Sunday evening calls with my daughter is time I cherish. While missing my kids and wanting to spend time with them, I’m haunted by thoughts of times when addiction dominated my decisions and robbed me of invaluable moments with my kids. We had many great times during their childhood but it is undeniable that many were lost. For those moments I’ve been beating myself up, unable to completely forgive myself. But I know that there is a place and a person in whom I can find freedom from my regret.

Early on in my recovery, my addiction counselor sent me the following devotional:

When you sin, God’s Spirit will convict you of your need to repent and change your ways. But until you get your glorified body in heaven, you’re always going to deal with sin. The apostle James wrote, “We all stumble in many ways.” But falling down isn’t what makes you a failure—it’s staying down! Get back up, dust yourself off, receive God’s grace, learn from the experience, and move on. The Bible says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Ro 8:1 NIV). God is not condemning you, so stop condemning yourself. A few decades ago, people used to wear a little badge with the letters GNFWMY. It meant, “God’s not finished with me yet.” And He’s not finished with you either…Solomon wrote, “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins” (Ecc 7:20 NIV). And Paul added, “I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize” (Php 3:12 CEV). So stop beating yourself up.

If God is not condemning me then what right do I have to continue to beat myself up over past sins? God wasn’t finished with me when I was addicted, and he’s not finished with me (or you) yet.

I share this very personal struggle in the hope that it might help someone else. Please know that addiction + parenting doesn’t work, addiction + anything doesn’t work. Addiction simply takes too much time. Addiction blurs everything, especially selfishness. Addiction causes us to care more about what we think we need than the needs of those closest to us. Our children need and deserve our time. If you are a parent struggling with addiction, my prayer is that the time you and your children are losing together will be revealed to you– you can’t get it back! It’s possible today to make the decision to break free, everything is possible with the Lord. I praise him for making these 4+ years without alcohol possible and He is able to do that for you, too!

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

You Love Me Anyway

Song by Sidewalk Prophets

The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly little lie

It didn’t mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly

But the future’s so far
My heart is so frail
I think I’d rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life
That I’ve ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How you love me

It took more than my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find

The reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And Why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life
That I’ve ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life
That I’ve ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me
You love me
You love me
You love me

How You love me
How You love me
How You love me

QUOTE

“The purpose of the darkness is not to punish or to afflict us. It is to set us free. It is a divine appointment, a privileged opportunity to draw close to the divine center.”
Richard foster

Until next time I’m thankful for the Scars, may God Bless You!

Under the Influence of the Holy Spirit

April 4, 2021 / kurtisbunfill

The following are excerpts from an article entitled “The Alternative to Alcohol” written by David Feddes.

You need to be under the influence of something outside yourself… The best and happiest life is when your thoughts and emotions and actions are affected by some other power that makes you someone you wouldn’t otherwise be. You shouldn’t be under the influence of alcohol, but you should be under the influence of the alternative to alcohol.

In Ephesians 5:18 the Bible says, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.” In other words, be divinely drunk, spiritually soused. God puts getting drunk side by side with being filled by his Spirit, and the Lord hints that there’s at least something in common. That’s a shocking comparison!

On the day of Pentecost, shortly after Jesus rose from the dead, God poured out his Holy Spirit with tremendous power on the followers of Jesus. When Jesus’ disciples were filled with the Spirit, they began to praise God and to speak of him in such a way that those who heard them could tell they were under the influence of something beyond themselves.

Day to Day Trials

Over the last several days I have been praying about some troubling circumstances and asking for peace and answers. Answers for me, for those I care about, and for enemies. Answers weren’t coming and as I found my despair rising, I was reminded that there was a time when I would have turned to alcohol to numb these emotions.

This morning I was getting caught up on our congregational Holy Week devotionals and was struck by Ann Voskamp’s message for Friday April 1^st : https://annvoskamp.com/2021/03/1-word-that-will-revolutionize-your-holy-week-your-life/

1 Corinthians 11:23-26 tells us on the night he was BETRAYED, Jesus broke bread and gave THANKS. The article goes on to talk about giving thanks when fighting the dark. She says “If Jesus chooses to Practice Thanksgiving in the face of incomprehensible dark – why do we think there is any other better weapon against the dark?”

And there was my answer. The answer to my recent struggles and the answer when facing any darkness is a thankful heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”. I tend to let the struggles and darkness consume me, but Paul commands us to focus on the gifts the Lord has given us. Today, I am thankful that by God’s grace and mercy, when the brokenness of this life is overwhelming, I can seek to be under the influence of the Holy Spirit instead of a drink. That chain has been broken and I praise the Lord.

God can and does work all things for our good. There are lessons to be learned in day to day struggles and darkness we face. There are lessons to be learned from addiction and that is the only way I can truly be thankful the scars.

May we all be thankful for the gifts God has given us, may we be under the influence of the Holy Spirit. May that influence lead us to be thankful for the gifts (good and bad) we receive from the Lord each and every day. On this Easter may we be thankful for the greatest gift ever given – Jesus Christ dying on the cross in our place and rising again so we can live in eternity with Him forever.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

Praise you in the Storm

Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
And once again
I say, “A-men” and it’s still rainin’

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I’ll raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry, You raised me up again
But my strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You?

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I’ll raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth
(I lift my eyes unto the hills)
(Where does my help come from?)

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

And though my heart is torn
(Though my heart is torn)
I’ll praise You in this storm
(Praise You in this storm)

QUOTE

“Counting the hard gifts as good gifts is my quiver to make all the dark quake.”
Ann voskamp

Until next time I’m thankful for the Scars, may God Bless You!

Alcohol free for 3 Years

September 27, 2020 / kurtisbunfill

A year ago today I posted my first entry on this blog – I had gone 2 years without a drink. By the grace of God, I’m blessed to be able to say it’s now been 3 years.

This was my prayer a year ago and continues to be my prayer today:

My continued Prayer for this blog

My Father in Heaven, I thank you for your love, your grace and your mercy. I thank you for my brothers and sisters in Christ who have helped me get to this point. I praise you and thank you for giving me this opportunity to praise you through the sharing of my story. I ask that by sharing I would honor you and show others how great your love is for all of us. I ask this is Jesus’ name – Amen!

Hopeless to Hope

I would like to encourage anyone who is struggling with an addiction that there is hope. One of my devotionals last week said “Hopelessness is the doorway to hope. You have to give up on yourself before you will be excited about the hope that is yours in Christ Jesus.”

Looking back, I was hopeless. Facing the loss of my family, I did not want to quit drinking and I couldn’t imagine a life without alcohol. But when I found my end, I found hope and here I am today able to write about being sober for 3 years.

How did it happen? During the summer of 2017, I got to the point where I had no choice but to give up on myself. I didn’t realize it at the time but the Lord was slowly changing me. Initially leading me to confess to my closest friends and family and trust them with my secret. Accepting the help that was being offered from friends and family. Convincing me to agree to attend counseling. Humbling me to accept offers to spend time together with my friends and family so I didn’t have to be alone. These small steps moved me closer to Jesus, where I found hope. That hope motivated additional small steps such as committing to start each day with prayer and Bible reading.

I would encourage anyone struggling with an addiction to take one small step towards recovery. Whatever step you take: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight” Proverbs 3:5-6.

I referenced this in my last post. I read it yesterday morning during my devotionals and feel it expresses what I’m trying to say about moving from a life of hopelessness to a life of hope.

New Morning Mercies

A Daily Gospel Devotional – Paul David Tripp

True faith lives on the basis of two unshakable realities — that God really does exist and that he always rewards those who seek him.

Grace has positioned me on two foundation stones that have redefined my identity, redirected my purpose, reshaped my desires, rescued my thoughts, and reformed my living. I have new reason to get up in the morning and face my day with courage, hope, joy, confidence, and rest. Your grace has changed everything, for it has made me sure that you exist and that you reward those who seek you (Heb. 11:6).

Grace changes us, changed me from a life of chains and addictions to a life of peace and freedom – hopelessness to hope. Thank you Jesus!

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

The Father’s House

Cory Asbury

Sometimes on this journey
I get lost in my mistakes
What looks to me like weakness
Is a canvas for your strength
And my story isn’t over
My story’s just begun
And failure won’t define me
‘Cause that’s what my Father does
Yeah, failure won’t define me
‘Cause that’s what my Father does

Ooh, lay your burdens down
Ooh, here in the Father’s house
Check your shame at the door
‘Cause it ain’t welcome anymore
Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house

Arrival’s not the end game
The journey’s where you are
You never wanted perfect
You just wanted my heart
And the story isn’t over
If the story isn’t good
And failure’s never final
When the Father’s in the room
And failure’s never final
When the Father’s in the room

Ooh, lay your burdens down
Ooh, here in the Father’s house
Check your shame at the door
‘Cause it ain’t welcome anymore
Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house

Yeah, you’re in the Father’s house
Yeah-yeah

Prodigals come home
The helpless find hope
Love is on the move
When the Father’s in the room
Prison doors fling wide
The dead come to life
Love is on the move
When the Father’s in the room
Miracles take place
The cynical find faith
And love is breaking through
When the Father’s in the room

The Jericho walls are quaking
Strongholds now are shaking
Love is breaking through
When the Father’s in the room
I said, love is breaking through
When the Father’s in the room

Ooh, lay your burdens down
Ooh, here in the Father’s house
Check your shame at the door
‘Cause it ain’t welcome anymore
Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house

Yeah, lay your burdens down
Ooh, here in the Father’s house
Check your shame at the door
(Welcome anymore)
Ooh, you’re in the Father’s house

QUOTES

“Time with God can combat hopelessness. It moves our attention from the circumstances to the Father’s great love for us.”
In Touch devotional, Charles Stanley

“Optimism is psychological; hope is theological. Optimism focuses on what you think you can do. Hope trusts what God can do.”
rick warren

Until next time I’m thankful for the Scars, may God Bless You!

HABITS

December 12, 2019 / kurtisbunfill

Early on my counselor talked in our sessions about my need to replace bad habits (drinking and preparing to drink) with other productive things. It was really mind boggling to me how much of my time was spent focused on my drinking habit. As I continued with counseling and began decreasing the time I spent drinking , I began to find other things to do. I found cleaning out and reorganizing the garage and laundry room to be surprisingly satisfying. I started reading all kinds of Christian books in the evening. This was a helpful, even necessary, new habit for me. Reading about others who have struggled with addiction and various types of suffering was a great blessing for me and helped me to continue to move towards abstinence.

One new habit, however, was life changing. Some of the books I was reading talked about the importance of spending time in prayer and reading the Bible on a daily basis. I’m not by nature a morning person. Waking up early has always seemed ridiculous to me. My typical habit had generally been to sleep as late as possible and to allow only enough time to shower and grab a bite to eat before work. Previous attempts to begin a daily trend of reading the Bible and praying were short lived and half-hazard. But by the grace of God, I was compelled to radically change the start of my day. I began getting up at 5:30am to read the Bible and devotionals and spend time in prayer. This is something I would never have done on my own, but the Lord helped me to do it over and over again and tremendous blessings have come out of the morning time that I have devoted to Him.

I love reading old journal entries and seeing how the Lord was working in my life. This one speaks of the significance of my new morning routine and joy that was resulting…

Monday September 4th 2017

About a month ago I lost my August Stand Firm devotional. About that same time I received an email and was led to “Practicing His Presence” booklet. What a blessing this has been, today is 3 weeks that I’ve started my day with God using this booklet as guide to helping me read and understand scripture. I’ve got a long way to go but this has been a great start to a new habit that I desperately needed. In addition, I am now using the September copy of Stand Firm to supplement what I’m doing. “Practicing His Presence” is a 4-week study, when I ordered it I also ordered “Knowing Christ” and I plan to move on to it when I finish.

Joy I again am feeling on this day even though XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I believe that is not what God wants me to do so I am going to wait, trust he is working and be patient letting him work. Praise GOD!

Friday, Saturday and last night I had urges to drink a lot or even a little over our agreed limit XXXXXXXXXX. I’m guessing it’s because of the nice weather and the Holiday weekend. I was able to overcome those urges and limit myself XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I’m finding as I’ve read that if I can wait out the urges or change my thinking the urge passes. Also when I am drinking as I’ve told XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I feel like I’m NOT going to need more. Progress I guess and I pray that God will continue to be with me as I work towards abstinence.

Those weeks and months towards the end of 2017 I found myself alone most evenings. I felt very alone and didn’t know what to do with myself. God used my new habit, precious time with him, to reveal to me that He is enough and all I will ever need.

I’m so thankful for the truth that God is all that I need and He truly is ENOUGH!

RUNNING FOR the PRIZE (illustration)

In my last post I wrote about running for the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24-27), running towards eternity. Francis Chan has a great illustration of this, please check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86dsfBbZfWs

OTHER BLOGG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

ENOUGH by Elias Dummer

I am not what I make; I am who you have made me to be
I am not what I’ve done; I am loved unconditionally
I am not loved by the measure of love that I bring
I am not who I know; I am known by the king of all kings

Jesus, you are enough
Jesus, you are enough for me
With nothing; I still have everything
Jesus, you are enough for me

You are maker made visible; holding the world in your hands
You are patient and merciful; giver of grace without end
Satisfied simply by being who you’ve always been
You are infinite love and you prove it again and again

Jesus, you are enough
Jesus, you are enough for me
With nothing; I still have everything
Jesus, you are enough for me

In you, I am created
In you, I am sustained
With you, I am resurrected
You overcame the grave

With you I stand in victory!
Now what else could I need?
With you I want for nothing
Jesus, my everything!

Jesus, you are enough
Jesus, you are enough for me
With nothing; I still have everything
Jesus, you are enough for me

QUOTE

It is not Christ plus something else. Jesus is enough!
A W Tozer

Until next time I’m thankful for the scars, may God Bless You!

Crew 17 and 18

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

Marvelous Light

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

DEPRESSION?

SPIRITUAL WARFARE

GET OUT OF THE BOAT

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

QUOTE

Day to Day Trials

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

QUOTE

My continued Prayer for this blog

Hopeless to Hope

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

QUOTES

RUNNING FOR the PRIZE (illustration)

OTHER BLOGG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

QUOTE

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