We’ve been studying the book of Peter in our weekly Bible study at Church. 1 Peter 2:9 is a verse that speaks to me having spent much of my life living in the darkness. Living in the darkness of addiction meant lying to myself, lying to others and keeping secrets from most everyone. Secrets are kept in the darkness, so that’s where I stayed. As I’ve written before I had a good job, coached baseball, basketball and softball. I attended church regularly and at times was actively involved in the Church. I was “functional” in the world and in front of others but I was living a lie in darkness for the most part.
During bedtime devotionals with my wife and 3 step-sons we’ve been working our way through Genesis. Genesis 19 tells the story of God saving Lot from the destruction of Sodom. Angels warned Lot the city of Sodom where Lot was living was about to be destroyed and to get his family and leave immediately. It’s not clear why but it says Lot hesitated, some translations say he hesitated and lingered. Why did Lot want to stay in the darkness? Was there something holding him back? Because of this hesitation the angels took hold of him and his family and took them out of the city (out of the darkness) to save them.
As I’ve been considering this story I’ve seen a parallel to my life. Sin, in my case addiction to alcohol was so powerful in my life that I couldn’t see life beyond alcohol. I didn’t see a need to quit and didn’t want to or believe I could quit. I felt trapped in the darkness and couldn’t see a way out to the light. I wonder how many times God started to pull me out and I fought Him to stay/linger in the darkness over the years of my addiction. It’s painful to think about, it’s maddening to think how long I chose to ignore the light and stay in the darkness.
Marvelous Light
A couple in our Church recently performed an Ellie Holcomb song – Marvelous Light (lyrics below). I fell in love with the song and discovered on Ellie’s’ blog that it was inspired by a character in an Andrew Peterson book (The Wingfeather Saga). The character Podo Helmer had spent most of his life hiding his past. One day his secrets are exposed in front of the very people he was trying to hide them from. Ellie says that after this intense seen Andrew writes the following about Podo:
“He moved through the days in peace and wonder, for his whole story had been told for the first time, and he found that he was still loved.” (North or Be Eaten!, p.321)
When we follow God out of the darkness and into the light He is always with us, He is always faithful.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will cover me, And the night will be the only light around me,” Even the darkness is not dark to You and conceals nothing from You, But the night shines as bright as the day; Darkness and light are alike to You.
Psalm 139:11-12
I recently participated in leadership training at work. One of our assignments was to share in 2 minutes or less something we had achieved and what the lesson was in that achievement. I was struggling to decide what to speak about and at the last minute settled on overcoming my addiction. I started by saying I would share one of my greatest failures (addiction) and greatest accomplishments (overcoming addiction) which I shared the best I could in 2 minutes. Some of the participants in the training knew of my past and some did not. Each time I have shared how the Lord saved me from myself I feel His love. I also have received and this time was no different love and support from those I share with.
Sometimes we need God to pull us out of the darkness. Thankfully I eventually saw enough light to allow God to pull me out of my darkness. He is faithful and continues to draw me to Him, to His light and His love.
May we all live in His peace and see how much we are loved by the One who is Light!
OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…
Marvelous Light
Song by Ellie Holcomb
I am not who I once was
Defined by all the things I’ve done
Afraid my shame would be exposed
Afraid of really being known
But then you gave my heart a home
So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light
With years of keeping secrets safe
Wondering if I could change
‘Cause when you’re hiding all alone
Your heart can turn into a stone
And that’s not the way I want to go
So I walk out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light
There’s no place I would rather be
Your light is Marvelous
Your light is Marvelous
You have come to set us free
You are Marvelous
Your light is Marvelous
So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light
The purpose of the darkness is not to punish or to afflict us. It is to set us free. It is a divine appointment, a privileged opportunity to draw close to the divine center.
Richard foster