With recovery comes regret, shame, and pain. This process has caused me to face things that I have done and hurts that I have caused. They are things that I can’t take back or undo and I struggle with them often. It is possible that I always will…I don’t really know.
I have many others struggles as well. I think I’ve written in a previous post how much it frustrates me that I forget what the Lord has taught me and that He has to reteach me. You might think that, after all the pain and regret alcohol has caused me, I would never consider drinking again. I have days like that, but I also have days when I think it wouldn’t hurt to have a beer or a glass of wine. There are other days when I think about drinking a lot more than that, turning to alcohol instead of turning to the Lord when I’m facing difficult circumstances.
I am reminded of two little phrases that help me with these battles, the relearning.
“Constant Redirection”
“Holy Discontentment”
Life for me has become a series of “Constant Redirection”. As I’m tempted or tested, I have to constantly redirect my thoughts and attitudes toward Jesus. That means reminding myself of the promises we have in scripture, that means prayer instead of worry and anxiety. I’m re-learning things every day, I’ve got a long way to go. To borrow a phrase from the world of sports, I’m trying to “trust the process,” the process of coming to know Jesus better on a daily basis.
“Holy Discontentment” is a phrase I heard from Matt Chandler. Although I can’t explain it the way he can, to me it means simply the idea of not being satisfied with what I know about Jesus. It’s always wanting more of Him, to know Him more, to know Him better. If you’re interested, here’s a good YouTube video where he touches on it:
UNSHAKABLE REALITIES
God is bigger than everything that comes my way in this world. I read the following devotion exactly one year after I committed to quit drinking, and it expresses this truth.
September 26th (2018)
True faith lives on the basis of two unshakable realities—that God really does exist and that he always rewards those who seek him.
Grace has positioned me on two foundation stones that have redefined my identity, redirected my purpose, reshaped my desires, rescued my thoughts, and reformed my living. I have new reason to get up in the morning and face my day with courage, hope, joy, confidence, and rest. Your grace has changed everything, for it has made me sure that you exist and that you reward those who seek you (Heb. 11:6).
There’s a line from a song by Elias Dummer that I love, he says: “With nothing, I still have everything Jesus, you are enough for me”. A Bible verse I’ve been praying lately is Zephaniah 3:17 where it is written: “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save…..”.
He is enough. Thankfully He has been, He is and He always will be in my midst. He has saved me from addiction, He has saved me from myself.
In my darkest days, He has provided me with the courage, hope, joy, confidence and rest that was needed to fight through the darkness. Without a doubt His grace has reshaped my desires, rescued my thoughts and reformed my living. I mentioned in a previous entry how when I was drinking I often “planned” my drinking for the evenings or weekends, when and how I would drink as much as possible without appearing to have a problem. Thankfully that way of living is gone. My living continues to be reformed and by faith I intend to seek him daily. He truly does reward those who seek Him, I’ve experienced those rewards in so many ways.
OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…
Keep Making Me
Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken
Make me empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty
‘Til you are my one desire
‘Til you are my one true love
‘Til you are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me
Make me lonely
So I can be yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know you will hold me
Make me lonely
‘Til you are my one desire
‘Til you are my one true love
‘Til you are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me
‘Til you are my one desire
‘Til you are my one true love
‘Til you are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making
I know you keep making
Lord, please keep making me
QUOTE
Most of the grand truths of God have to be learned by trouble; they must be burned into us with the hot iron of affliction, otherwise we shall not truly receive them.
Charles Spurgeon
Until next time I’m thankful for the Scars, may God Bless You!
KB