Two years in and there continues to be new “sober firsts”.  First going out to dinner without drinks, first weekend, first travel softball tournament, first golf outing to name a few.  This past weekend, first wedding reception where alcohol was served without partaking.  After two years of sobriety, I continue to battle fears of not being able to enjoy myself without alcohol and how others will react to the new me.  One of the strategies I’ve tried to use to help with this comes from Sober Mercies by Heather Kopp (check it out my Books on Addiction Page):

Dedicate Your Relinquishments:

What I mean by this is, turn your choice to abstain into a sacrifice you make for God.  This last tip only makes sense if you have a personal God, I admit.  But if I had to choose one idea that helped me most, it might be this.

Early in recovery, the sight of others enjoying drinking pained me – even if I pretended otherwise.

One afternoon, I found myself with Dave at a party where everyone was imbibing.  Standing there with my iced tea, I wanted a glass of wine so deeply it hurt.  Then something I’d read earlier that day by Gerald May came to mind.  He’d written about how we can imbue our suffering with meaning and purpose by dedicating our relinquishments back to God.

At the time, it sounded like mumbo jumbo.  But that afternoon, something clicked.  What if I could not drink, “unto God?”  What if I could view my choice to abstain as a sacrifice of love, instead of just suffering for nothing?

I shut my eyes and prayed a short prayer, dedicating my thirst and pain back to God.  Almost immediately, my perspective shifted.  I was no longer a deprived person at a party.  I was participating in a spiritual practice.

I had a strange calm at the reception, a peace.  Perhaps this is evidence that my perspective is shifting.  The water was good😃, the food was good (especially the desert bar) and the fellowship was great! And what a cool place for a reception, kangaroo right outside:

AUGUST 2017 and GOD’S PROVIDENCE

I had completed a draft of this post before Church Wednesday evening October 23rd.  It changed based on my experience on the 24th…………….

For the past year and half I’ve been taking online courses at Christian Leaders Institute and I’m currently enrolled in the Theology 1 course.  Part of my lecture and reading today (10/24) was about God’s Providence.  As I researched more about God’s Providence I came across this a couple of different times referenced by John Piper at desiringgod.org:

Let me close with one example from history that I think is so beautiful. This is Question 27 of the Heidelberg Catechism. The date on that is 1563.

Question: What do you understand by the providence of God?

Answer: The almighty, everywhere present power of God, whereby, as it were, by his hand, he still upholds heaven and earth with all creatures and so governs them that herbs and grass, rain and drought, fruitful and barren years, meat and drink, health and sickness, riches and poverty, indeed, all things come not by chance, but by his fatherly hand.

That’s a good summary of God’s providence: wise and purposeful sovereignty.

In my initial draft I had this journal entry and another one from August of 2017, wanting to move forward from the last entries I shared from Jun/Jul.  I settled on sharing this entry from August 5th 2017:

Sunday August 5th
Sermon today on Gentleness, something I was certainly shown by XXXXXXXXXX this week when I went to see them.  I realized during the sermon how little of that I’ve shown XXXXXXXXXXXXXX over the past years.  Especially when I had been drinking I had a short fuse and was very quick to anger and lash out.
  
While walking after Church today and going back and forth on when/whether I should talk to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX did a lot of thinking.  Something that occurred to me is that I’m still struggling to admit what I’ve done, I don’t want to admit to myself that at times I chose alcohol over XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.  I think not being able to admit it to myself is why it’s so hard to admit it or tell it to others.
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX caused to me to fail in many areas of my life.  However, what we heard this morning is Peter failed when he denied Jesus but Jesus was “gentle” with him and forgave him.  Jesus changed Peter=Failure to Peter=Forgiven – I need to let Jesus change me from Kurtis=Failure to Kurtis=Forgiven.

Still catching up on my devotionals, I read July 21st and the prayer is very appropriate for where I’m at.  “Pray that God will help you quickly acknowledge sin and not excuse it.  Pray for patience to wait for His timing in the decision before you”.

I’ve mentioned Paul David Tripp previously; his New Morning Mercies devotional is part of how I start my day each morning.  Here is the October 24th devotional:

God meets us where we are. This is the beautiful, hope-giving reality of grace. If God asked us to meet him where he is, we would all be damned. There is no better example of this than Jesus’s response to Peter after Peter’s denial:

Peter denies Jesus

Luke 22:54-62

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+22%3A54-62&version=NIV

Jesus reinstates Peter

John 21:15-19

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+21%3A15-19&version=NIV

If there’s someone on whom you would expect Jesus to turn his back forever, it would be Peter.  How could he deny Jesus, even after being warned?  Wasn’t that unforgivable? No!  What Peter did was not a picture of the defeat of the cross.  The opposite is true.  Peter’s denial is a shockingly concrete picture of the essentiality of the cross of Jesus Christ.  The life, death and resurrection of Jesus were necessary because we are people like Peter.  We have no power in ourselves to be faithful, wise, good, and righteous.  We cannot save ourselves.  We are people in need of rescue.  Without the rescue of grace, we are a danger to ourselves and to others, without hope and without God.

So in amazing condescending grace, God meets us where we are, just as he did with Peter.  He comes to us in our fear.  He draws near to us when we are separated.  He meets us in our doubt.  He pursues us when we wander.  When we sin, he comes to us with conviction and forgiveness.  He empowers us when we’re weak.  He restores us when we are unfaithful.  When we deny him, he does not deny us.  He comes to us at the moment of our salvation, and he comes to us again and again as we journey from the “already” to the “not yet”.  He sits down with us, assuring us again of his love, drawing out from us love for him, and sending us on our way to do the work he has chosen us to do.  He does not wait for us to come to him; he comes to us.  It is the way of grace.

So was it by chance that my journal entry, a sermon from August 2017 and the Tripp devotional all lined up this week (and my studies were on God’s Providence) as I attempted to complete this post?  Nope, as the Catechism I referenced above says “all things come…… by his fatherly hand”. 

I could dedicate blog after blog and give example after example of this in my life during my recovery and yet each time it happens I am blown away by it.  Praise God for His Providence!

God didn’t ask me to meet Him where He was, He met me where I was in 2017.  Because of His mercy, what I had done and what I was doing wasn’t unforgivable.  Jesus went to the cross for my sin, for my rescue, for my salvation.  I needed to be rescued and I was through His amazing grace.  Let us Praise Him that he doesn’t wait for us to come to Him!

OTHER BLOG STUFF – Songs and Quotes…

SURVIVOR by Zach Williams

For so long I carried the weight of my past
Cripple by burdens like stones on my back
I thought I had fallen too far from your grace

But you came and showed me the way

When I was lost soul searching
You were the ground beneath my feet
When I was blind man begging
You were the eyes so I could see
When the smoke was rising up
You were the air that I could breath
You gave me hope you gave me something to believe

Now I’m alive and born again
Rescued from the grip of sin
God your love came crashing in
And pulled me out of the fire
I’m a survivor

Now all I can see are the fields of your grace
Wherever I run your leading the way
You shook the shackles off my feet
I found redemption on my knees
You gave me hope you gave me something to believe

Now I’m alive and born again
Rescued from the grip of sin
God your love came crashing in
And pulled me out of the fire
I’m a survivor
Oh I’m a survivor

You’re my God
You’re my fighter
You make me a survivor

Now I’m alive and born again
Rescued from the grip of sin
God your love came crashing in
And pulled me out of the fire
I’m a survivor
Oh I’m a survivor
You pulled me out of the fire
I’m a survivor

QUOTE

He takes your failure and employs it as a tool of grace.

Paul David Tripp

Until next time I’m thankful for the Scars, may God Bless You!

KB